Lost...

... in thoughts:
Wherein lies the fulfillment of the mind?
Why exist when you can really live?
Turbulence, turmoil, torment, torture- how useful these alliterations!
How many ants do we lead to death just because we don't have time to wait till they pass?

...such is life...

If I were a dead leaf thou mightest bear;

If I were a swift cloud to fly with thee;

A wave to pant beneath thy power, and share

The impulse of thy strength, only less free

Than thou, O uncontrollable! If even

I were as in my boyhood, and could be

The comrade of thy wanderings over Heaven,

As then, when to outstrip thy skiey speed

Scarce seem'd a vision; I would ne'er have striven

As thus with thee in prayer in my sore need.

Oh, lift me as a wave, a leaf, a cloud!

I fall upon the thorns of life! I bleed!

A heavy weight of hours has chain'd and bow'd

One too like thee: tameless, and swift, and proud.

*

Make me thy lyre, even as the forest is:

What if my leaves are falling like its own!

The tumult of thy mighty harmonies

Will take from both a deep, autumnal tone,

Sweet though in sadness. Be thou, Spirit fierce,

My spirit! Be thou me, impetuous one!

Drive my dead thoughts over the universe

Like wither'd leaves to quicken a new birth!

And, by the incantation of this verse,

Scatter, as from an unextinguish'd hearth

Ashes and sparks, my words among mankind!

Be through my lips to unawaken'd earth

The trumpet of a prophecy! O Wind,

If Winter comes, can Spring be far behind?

-Shelley, "Ode to the West Wind"

Do something GOOD today!!

Dear Daughter..

For a little girl I've neither seen nor known yet loved as if my own.

 

It has rained heavily today. You did not know it, though. You were sleeping soundly beside me, oblivious of the world around you. And now you are asleep again- but no longer beside me. You are lying on soft earth which covers your body (and keeps you warm, I hope), under a little plant that marks your grave.

Others may not mind- after all you lived just for a day. But I do care, because I’ve known you all these months. You were alive, as far as I’m concerned, for the nine months that I’ve carried you in my womb. Inside me, you’ve breathed and your little heart has beat and you tiny body has moved. I’ve talked with you, cradled you in me and I’ve thought of you before doing everything -I was worried how my movements may affect you. And now after all that care and attention, after months of wondering whether it would be a boy or girl and thinking of names… after all that, you have left sooner than you had come.

Had you been born still, it wouldn’t have been this painful. It would have hurt, sure, but not this much. You have lived, though only for a day. And that one day, you haven’t left my side, no matter what you did. Whether you were sleeping, crying or being fed, you were beside me all the time. You have felt as secure beside me as you had within me. I was the only world that you knew. And I had thought of the day you’d start walking, holding my hands, your tiny steps faltering, unsure of what lay ahead but trusting me with your life… I had thought of all the stories I would tell you and the songs that would lull you to sleep, all the things we would do together, and all the things I would teach you… But all in vain! You’ve gone without knowing the colours of the world and the smell of nature. You’ve left without knowing what life is.

Your father, grieving as he is, is at a loss for words. As for your brother, he is still too young to comprehend death. He does not know that he has lost his little sister forever. But I- I feel the pain like no one else. One day you left my body, and the very next day you left my world… I haven’t yet adjusted to these facts. I feel so blank, so empty. What really is a mother without her child? Whom should I feed now; for whom am I bearing all the discomforts of giving birth? It seems like my life has lost its meaning… God save me!

I know you’ll be blessed with the fragrance of heaven. You were too young to do anything on your own, let alone commit sins. You hadn’t even started to live. So surely, God will honour you with a better life in Heaven. Only I’m left here to grieve your loss…I know that everything in life has a purpose. Even a flower of a day has its beauty. So may be your unexpected departure serves some purpose too great for me to even imagine. Whatever, I hope that you are resting in peace, my dear. I do hope the angels of heaven are guarding your little soul from darkness. And I love you, my dear, dear daughter. Wherever you may be, this mother’s heart is always praying for you.

 

[Written on 24 Aug 2008]

Umpteen Reasons Why I Remember You

Happy Birthday, memories... You would have been 21 today. Here are some of the umpteen reasons why I still remember you.

10. Because we played Chinese checkers from your deathbed and that does not happen with everyone.

9. Because you liked chocolate and mango and small samosa-sized manda and I like them too.


8. Because you were a good human being and a good Muslim (may Allah unite us in Jannath).

7. Because your little cousins recognize me only when they are told that I'm deedi's friend.

6. Because your mom's eyes well up every time we meet each other, out of remembering you. 

5. Because you were in a lot of pain and never complained even once, and so you inspire me more than lessons on perseverance.

4. Because I'm in pain myself (though not even one-tenth of what you suffered) and thinking about you helps me stop (at least at times) from  complaining. 

3. Because you told me that for every little bit of pain that we bear patiently, we'll be forgiven some of our sins.

2. Because you were my best friend from kindergarten till the time you were alive.

1. Because I love you in the name of Allah.

Terrible Times

These are terrible times. Terrible times indeed.
And who knows, it may get even worse.

Ya Allah, we seek refuge in you.
Take care of our daughters, lest they be raped and tortured to death.
Take care of our sons, lest they be arrested and branded terrorists.

Ya Allah, make this planet a better place to live in, and help us live in peace.

Death

It is the ultimate reality.

We all know we'll die one day, yet how effortlessly we forget it!

We do not know if we'll live tomorrow, yet how meticulously we plan months ahead and how beautifully do we dream of the years to come!

I Grieve

I Grieve

By: Yasmin Mogahed

I lifted my head

Once more

Only to see

The sun had set,

The trees had slept,

And they’d all gone home

I grieve.

The sky that was clear

is now covered with fog.

My path, I no longer see.

Why try…when it’s all so gray?

I grieve.

Today I grieve

For what’s been lost.

My forgotten people,

still on their knees

before a snow god in spring

I grieve.

They’ve forgotten that prayer

And to whom they should call.

The Essence replaced

by mundane ritual,

empty symbols.

Their hearts… so tired,

jaded and worn

I grieve.

We are a people

defeated…but not conquered.

And somehow

I feel my blood return.

I will stand.

I will try.

And from beyond my grief,

I will see…

There are a people you can’t enslave.

A loyalty…you can’t buy.

For a land may be occupied…

but never a soul.

From beyond my tears

I’ll understand…

Today my people weep.

But tomorrow…Death will die,

as their tears give birth to a land

where…“on them shall be no fear

nor shall they grieve” (2:262).